I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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