Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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