Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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