Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
