Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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