Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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