Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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