just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
