if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
