I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
