if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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