3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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