I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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