Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
