Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
