I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
