honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
