I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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