I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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