so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
