Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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