I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
