Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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