Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
