Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
