i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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