if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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