If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
