Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
