nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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