sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
