My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
