All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize