he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
