I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think your dad took our porno
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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