How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
