I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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