he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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