I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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