Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
