it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
