Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
