somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
