So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
