So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
