Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
