i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
