pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
