the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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