you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
