I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
