if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
