Plan B is the new Plan A
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
