He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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