Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
