I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
