It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
