SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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