Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize