he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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