oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
