you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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