Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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