So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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