the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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